A man walked into a bar and sat down, …

A man walked into a bar and sat down, …
A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer,he heard a soothing voice say, “Nice tie!” Looking around he noticed that thebar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later thevoice said, “Beautiful shirt.” At this, the man called the bartender over.”Hey, I must be losing my mind,” he told the bartender. “I keep hearingthese voices saying nice things, and there’s not a soul in here but us.”"It’s the peanuts,” answered the bartender. “They’re complimentary.”
Source: jokesareawesome.com

• Funny?: 3.3

Two brothers are separated at birth, on…

Two brothers are separated at birth, on…
Two brothers are separated at birth, one going to live in the big city and the other on a farm in the coutry. Eventually, the two learn of each other and there’s a happy reunion on the country brother’s farm. Having never been to a farm before, the city brother asks for a tour. The farmer shows him the cows, the barn, horses, and the corn fields before coming to the pig sty, where he proudly introduces his prized possesion: a three-legged sow.

“That sow is finest animal to ever live,” proclaimed the farmer, “She saved my three children from the barn when it was burning down.”

“When I fell from the tree over yonder, she ran all the way to town and fetched the doctor,” he continued.

“And, when my wife went into labor in the middle of the night, she delivered my yongest son!”

Amazed, the city brother remarked, “that’s quite a pig. But, what happened to her that she only has three legs?”

“Well, hell,” said the farmer, “be a damn shame, eat a pig like that all at once.”
Source: jokesareawesome.com

• Funny?: 3.2

Confuse a Blonde - Sun, 16 Nov 2008

Confuse a Blonde - Sun, 16 Nov 2008
Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Give her a pack of M&M’s and tell her to arrange them in alphabetical order.
Source: www.comedy.com

• Funny?: 3.2

Worth the cost…

Worth the cost…

Burger King in London is selling a $200 hamburger that is made with special aged beef fried in champagne. People are willing to pay the price, mainly because it isn’t English food.

Jim Barach http://jokesbyjim.blogspot.com

Source: www.lowcomdom.com

• Funny?: 3.2

why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more…

why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more…
why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner?

he was already stuffed!
Source: jokesareawesome.com

• Funny?: 2.7

There are these three women A redhead a…

There are these three women A redhead a…
There are these three women A redhead a brunette and a blonde. And they start to talk about their daughters. The red head says “you know i caught my daughter with cigars i did not know she smoked!” then the brunette says ” I know! i found booze in my daughters room i didnt know mine drank!” then the blonde says..”OMG i like totally know where ur coming form OMG, i found like these these ummm condoms!? in my daughters room…like OMG i didnt know she had *whispers* a penisssss”
Source: jokesareawesome.com

• Funny?: 3.0

There was a little boy by the name of …

There was a little boy by the name of …
There was a little boy by the name of Billy. Billy was an ordinary littleboy who did ordinary little boy things, like playing, eating, bathing,destroying things, and going to school. One day, when Billy went down tothe bus stop to meet the bus to go to school, he found all of his friendshuddled around in a little group, talking about the Purple Wombat.Being a little boy, Billy was curious. So he asked them,”What’s the Purple Wombat?”"You don’t know what the Purple Wombat is?” the children exclaimeddisgustedly. For the rest of the morning, they would not go near Billy,always standing far away and staring at him. Then the bus came. Billy,confused, got on the bus along with the rest of the children.”Hey, Mister Bus Driver!” one of the chldren shouted. “Billy doesn’t knowwhat the Purple Wombat is!”The bus driver turned around abruptly. “You don’t know what the PurpleWombat is?” he said in disbelief. He ordered Billy to sit in thevery back of the bus, all by himself.Eventually, they got to school, and Billy got off the bus and went toclass. Class proceeded normally; the students did the pledge of allegianceand worked on their multiplication tables for a while. Then theteacher led them into a unit on geography. Billy was not really payingattention, but he heard the teacher mention something about the PurpleWombat.Billy’s hand shot up, and, when the teacher called on him, Billy asked,”Teacher, what’s the Purple Wombat?”"You don’t know what the Purple Wombat is?” the teacher cried in alarm,”Get yourself to the principal’s office right now, young man. No, no buts –march!”So Billy headed down the long, dark, frightening hallway to theprincipal’s office. He slowly opened the large, heavy door, andtimidly entered the room behind it. There, at a large, imposing desk, satthe principal. The principal was a hulking man, balding, with a thinmustache. He spoke in a deep baritone voice. He was enough tofrighten little boys like Billy who had been sent to his office almost totears.”Well, Billy,” he began slowly. “What seems to be the problem?”"Mr. Principal, I just don’t know what’s going on today. Everyone’s beenacting weird, and they’re all treating me really badly. Like teacher justsent me to you and stuff.”"Now, Billy, I’m here to help you. I’m the princi-Pal, after all.Heh heh. Can you tell me why everyone’s acting so strangely?”"It’s because I don’t know what some stupid Purple Wombat is.”"What? You don’t know what the Purple Wombat is? That’s it. I am callingyour mother, young man. Consider yourself suspended.”The principal threw Billy out of his office and told him to go home.Billy, crying, began the long walk home. When he got there, his mother wasstanding in the doorway waiting for him.”Billy!” she called, sobbing, “I was so worried about you! What happened?”"Mom,” Billy cried, “Everyone was being mean to me and I had to sit in theback of the bus all by myself and the teacher sent me to the principal’soffice and the principal suspended me, all because I don’t know what thePurple Wombat is!”"What? You don’t know what the Purple Wombat is?” Billy’s mother shrieked.”Go to your room this minute. Go! Just wait until your father gets home!”So Billy marched up the stairs and into his room. He collapsed on the bed,crying. After some amount of time, he heard a car pull in and some doorsshutting. His father was home. He could hear his parents talkingdownstairs but didn’t know what they were saying. Then he heard footstepscoming up the stairs, and his door opened.”Billy,” his father began in that lecturing-father tone, “Your mother saysyou’ve been acting badly lately. Would you like to tell me what you’ve done?”"Dad, I haven’t done anything! I just don’t know what the Purple Wombat is!”"You…don’t know what the Purple Wombat is. Well, in that case, you canjust stay in this room all night, mister. And forget about dinner!”Billy’s father slammed the door and stormed off. Billy collapsed on hisbed, crying his eyes out. He spent the next several hours that way — lyingthere, crying, wishing he would wake up.Then, in the middle of the night, he heard a voice. It said:”Billy. I am the Purple Wombat, Billy.”Billy sat up with a start. He looked around the room, trying to find thesource of the voice, but he could not.”Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Find me, Billy.”It was coming from out the window. So Billy got up, put his shoes on,opened the window, and climbed out on to the roof.”Billy. I am the Purple Wombat.”Billy jumped down off the roof and followed the voice down the road. He gotto the edge of a wood.”Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Follow me, Billy.”The voice was coming from inside the wood. It was very dark and veryfrightening, but Billy didn’t care. He had to find out what the PurpleWombat was. So, bravely, he entered the wood.”Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Keep going, Billy.”Billy kept going into the wood. He could hardly see anything, and he keptfalling down and walking into things and hurting himself. But he kept going,driven by a need to find this enigma that kept calling his name.”Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. This way, Billy.”Eventually, Billy emerged from the wood. He was on the shore of the townlake.”Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. I’m out here, Billy.”It was coming from out across the lake. Billy got one of the small rowboatsfrom the dock, untied it, and rowed out. Since he was only a small boy, itwas very difficult. But he had to find out what the Purple Wombat was.”Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Row, Billy.”The voice was coming from across the lake. Billy doubled his effort, andthe boat began to move a little faster. When he was about half way acrossthe lake, he heard: “Billy, I am the Purple Wombat. I’m up here, Billy.”It was coming from directly above him. Billy stopped rowing and stood upto look for it. The boat tipped over, dumping him in the lake. Billy didn’tknow how to swim, so he drowned.Moral: Don’t stand up in a boat.
Source: jokesareawesome.com

• Funny?: 3.3

What’s blue and looks like a bucket? A…

What’s blue and looks like a bucket? A…
What’s blue and looks like a bucket? A red bucket in disguise.
Source: jokesareawesome.com

• Funny?: 3.2

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
Source: jokesareawesome.com

• Funny?: 2.8

A three legged dog walks into a bar and…

A three legged dog walks into a bar and…
A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, “I’m lookin’ for the guy that shot my paw.”
Source: jokesareawesome.com

• Funny?: 3.2

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